You are Never Around..

How come you said vulnerability is okay, and that it's part of the whole process?That yes, you may get hurt but you'll pull through it and it'll only teach you and help you learn?H0w come you said that was a one pointer and that it wasn't wrong to have made that step? Encouraged me to allow the vulnerability to creep in, but expect me to be in control this time.I think I did, incautiously did. And it seemed to work. I seemed to have a firm hold on it and not let myself slip on that algae liked covered road. But then my shoes lost it's flower patterns on the rubber soles slowly. And now it looks like it's slowly wearing out.It's not all that fun anymore, not feeling like you know exactly what you're doing. Not feeling safe by your ownself and wanting to hear, see and feel. Wanting it not to be only mentally but physically present too. In fact, it's somewhat scary wanting to have someone around, and actually being scared of being alone now.So I might have been vulnerable. For that second in time. But now, it's difficult choosing to hold on, or let it slip away again. Because as beautiful as the fantasy might seem, there's a possibility that it might never- happen.
It's weird because I know how surface it all is, although there are momentary bout where it feels like it isn't.
But really, how come when I really do need you, you're never around?